[ If only Baroqueheat knew about the real Bad Dragon in Lupin's pants... his horror is reserved for imagined dongs for now, which he quells by concentrating on those beautiful knockers on the pretty miss. Ah yes, the twin lights of his life.
Running a hand through his effortlessly wind-swept hair, he waves all thoughts about leather up asscracks aside. ]
Hmm, a "you're-so-embarrassing-you-damn-disgrace-I-hope-you-dip-your-ass-in-sulfuric-acid" kind of murder? [ He says this all in one breath: easy, breezy, CoverHeat. ] I hope you'll be there to kiss my boo-boo better.
spoiler alert, fujiko is in charge down there probably
[It doesn't take a rocket scientist, which Lupin is not, to notice Baroqueheat's gaze, which Lupin adjusts accordingly: arms folded beneath that rockin' rack, pushing them up and together quite nicely.
This guy's a stubborn one of strong mental barriers, that's for sure. It's almost admirable]
[ah, and there's another laugh from the master thief, a momentary kinship in people they love wanting to hurt them deeply]
Sounds like you're in love. Though I can't tell if it's with the girl or her punishments. I'll kiss it alllll better and put ointment on it, don't worry.
[ He'd cop a feel if he didn't feel like getting too handsy would earn him a lifetime in her dungeon; so he just bumps the side of his head against those silky blondes, scoping out a good vantage point from way up there (he's tall, fuck him).
Ah, the warmth of another human. Something to keep him sleeping soundly at night, except this warmth is all synthetic. Rest in peace, shithead. ]
Shh, she might hear you. She's not supposed to know. [ about which, he won't articulate!! ] Are you usually this nice to everyone you meet at weird parties, or is it because I'm so handsome? Tell me I'm handsome, tell me I'm handsome! ♥
[It's really too bad for him all this is fake, huh. At the very least, Lupin finds him just as funny as he is infuriating and gross. Though he can't feel it closely between the mold of skin and real skin, the pressure is there at the same. A played giggle, a widening of the eyes again, a hand on his wrist.]
But I have the feeling you live dangerously. Her knowing and taking you home to take her mound of flesh gets you going, surely. [he wonders.] You're certainly easy on the eyes, yes~ But it was your eyes, I think.
[ That hand is turned over and bobbled in his palms, side to side, like a one-man game of shitty pattycake. At the very least, he hasn't asked her to ditch this party and go to the back of a car that isn't his... yet. He has the auction to think about!! For once, his brain takes precedence over his dick. ]
My eyes?
[ Browwaggle, he'd give Lupin a run for his money on the art of this motion ]
How dangerous do my eyes tell you I am? Wolf? Tiger? Adorable puppy? In ascending order of ferocity.
[You can bet he'd regret that, not just because of Big Bad Dragon but the other knock out he'll get in the back seat. How charming~ How cute~ Hi-tan should be proud of his restraint at this moment. It's a miracle.
Lupin's proud of his own restraint, for instead of pulling out Hi-tan's eyebrows, he wiggles them back, smile coy and chin dipped so he can look at this punk from beneath curled lashes.]
Your eyes are the window to the soul, you know. I'd say you're more of a....
[one manicured nail to his chin, tap, tap]
Adolescent puppy. Old enough to know better, rebellious enough to care less. Trying to find your way on gangling, clumsy limbs, with all your heart.
those hairy legs and those beady eyes, for eternity
[ Those are such impressive lashes, too. Baroqueheat's almost tempted to reach out and measure them against his index finger, but you know what they say about women and makeup— mess up their foundation and die.
That tap, tap, tap against his chin has him melt like butter, brows drooping and lips sinking into his stupid goofy smile. He snaps teeth, as if to play along with what she's saying, the click as sharp as that faint glint that crosses his smile. ]
Old enough to know a nice leg to lean on, young enough that I don't care whose pants I mess up?
[ That's gross, Hi-tan. But he's deflecting, maybe, because damn?? This girl's sharp, maybe he underestimated her.
Quick, time to give her another glass of champagne so she doesn't see right through him. ]
[God, the little shit's putty in Lupin's hands. How cute. At least he won't have to worry about this one too much, if he's this easy. He plays the usual card, the sweet smile and the little squeal of delight, wiggles a finger before his nose and tuts "don't make me get the newspaper"]
If you'd like to put it that way, sure. I thinking young enough to stubbornly hang on to that bone, and old enough to know what'll happen when you do.
[Avoid-y one, huh. Well, he can live with that. Lupin doesn't blame him. Ah, and definitely won't refuse the drink]
[ The words are halfway out of his mouth, like instinct, as he slides champagne glasses over to his conversation partner and puts on that charming jester face. ]
So, what are you doing after—
[ —this, is what he realizes he can't ask, mostly because he's not willing to ditch Rahzel for a one-night stand; even if it's such a good way to move conversation away from Things About Himself. Shit.
He backpedals like he was born on these shitty wheels taking him back, back, back. ]
—the curtains open and we get to poke at the goods?
['She' accepts, her eyebrows raised in question and face honest and open (yeah right) and when he careens into completely unpredictable territory, Lupin makes a confused noise in the back of his throat.
this slick little bastard was totally gonna ask him out, and then he just pulled out? The nerve of this guy! Brushing off the fake advances of a fake lovely lady!
(why the fuck does he care, he won't ask himself)
'Her' expression settles into something knowing and perhaps a little judgmental.]
Why, keep poking until I find its defenses and stab at the competition, naturally. That's the only way in these parts. How about you?
[ If Hi-tan didn't have his eyes on the prize, his dick would never have pulled out from this situation. Then again, it would never have gotten...in... this is terrible and I should feel terrible.
Things seem to be flying a little south for Baroqueheat, because he has to juggle his smoozy bastard side with his competitive asshole side, and it's like having two shoulder devils prodding at him at once. His smile becomes a little stiff, as forced as "her"s. ]
Aha... that made my nethers hurt, and I have no idea why.
[ It must have been the emphatic use of the word "stab". ]
Well. I make love, not war, so I'm trying to find more diplomatic ways to get what I want! ♥
[ diplomatic, aka stealing the fuck out of it because ain't no way he's getting a necklace here for 5 bucks ]
[ I can't even think of anything clever to say, Baroqueheat's destiny is to have his dick snapped off at the head. Amen.
That terrifying mental image aside, he recovers when 'she' plays along with him (albeit with an air that says "I do hope your dick gets snapped off"), even if his knees knock inwards and he pitches forward so that his chin's resting on her shoulder. ]
So you want me to moon them? Maybe rack up a few bucks from ladies in the audience who want to put bills in my underwear? That might give me an edge over my competition, yeah.
Ah, so he recognizes that aura? He's one tough cookie! Not totally gooey up there between the ears. Good to know. He blanches internally when that pointy chin touches him, though on the outside he merely lifts a hand to caress beneath his chin.]
Who said anything about the ladies? Though Madam Maryweather goes to those sorts of places all the time, she can teach the others allll about it! No, you'd have to go for the pool boy act. An edge? A distraction, at least. And it'd certainly anger their husbands.
[ This smarmy shit. He looks up at her through his bangs, flashes teeth that are too white for his tarry soul. Oblivious he may seem, oblivious he isn't— because he follows that up with a slightly shit-eatingly inquisitive: ]
Will you be mad if I get whatever it is that you're gunning for? ♥
[He laughs, a genuine belly laugh, shaking his head. Husband? More like his naggy, cute wife in an apron and nothing but.
(mine)]
Like I said, he's not the sort to get jealous easily. He's a very giving kind of man. And he knows I, too, am a free spirit. He'll probably disapprove of you blinding everyone with your ass, though.
[Bats her eyelashes at him again, wicked, wicked red lips turned up at the edges, a toothy smile nearly splitting her face, wide enough to swallow him whole or tear him to bits.]
Who's to say you'll get it before I do~? I've been doing this a lot longer than you have, baby.
[ What a power couple. Baroqueheat looks slightly interested, chin still on that shapely shoulder and his jaw working over her skin. Maybe he shouldn't get on this girl's bad side, especially with a husband that sounds like a mafia don... one of those "I let my woman do what she want" sort of guys with a billion dollars at his disposal, one of those "she'll always come back to be in the end" kind of sleazebags who slap people with wadded-up bills. His imagination is going wild again. ]
Ooh, scary, scary. I bet he has a scar running down his face and smokes big fat cigars.
[ (Somewhere in the corner of the room, Jigen sneezes.)
He's about to chuckle at his own joke when he catches that smile out of the corner of his eye, though, and it dies halfway in his throat. ]
—Mm, are we gonna be racing for it? I love having women at my tail, not gonna lie.
[Dipping her head slightly, she turns her face, rogue blushed cheek brushing against him. Gross.
Oh, if only he knew. Not quite a don, but a guard dog turning his nose up at the scraps and biting the tails off the little yapping rookies that get too close to his den. He doesn't even swat deserving dumbasses with his precious hat.]
Pall Malls, actually. He smokes those. And his face is really, really handsome. He tries so hard not to make faces when I kiss him but, well...
[His smile turns all soft again, for a quarter of a second, before the teeth are back, ready to line Baroqueheat's throat if need be.]
I don't think it'll be much of a race, since all you'll be privy to is the sight of my dust in the distance.
[ Whoa, whoa. There's a low whistle, impressed and maybe slightly teasing; when did he get on the other side of a healthy boast? Married women, really. He's good at telling when people are being genuinely fond, and there it is, that dull ache that he likes to pretend is just plain annoyance. How are people so happy, all the time?
He laughs, pulls his arms up to drape them over her a shitty octopus. ]
I'm a Marlboros guy, wanna kiss me and see if I taste different? ♥
[ Now he's really motivated to steal this thing, serves her shitty husband right for not getting it for her when he had the chance. ]
Really? That's so cold, after all we've been through together...!
[Giggling lowly at the whistle, he plays at being shy, shoulders wiggling beneath him before they settle, her against him. She taps a finger against her own chin, as if really considering this.]
Hmmm...you are definitely the kiss and tell kind of guy~ But am I really a challenge if my husband won't get jealous? Besides, I know you'll taste different. Worlds different.
[She rolls her eyes playfully. God, the nerve of this brat. Does he really think he's going to get one up on the Master Thief? No, he thinks he's going to get one up on this possible dominatrix wife of a possible mob don. Fat chance.]
All's fair in love and loot, darling boy. If you can't handle the heat, stay in the back during dodge ball.
[ As lovely as the lady is, as much as he would love to get her in the coat closet and have a little bit of fun (in your fucking dreams, Baroqueshit), he considers what it'd be like to hightail it out of here with Rahzel in tow, blowing a kiss to Ms. Busty and Beautiful with stolen jewels safe in the hands of his princess.
Oh, that's exciting.
His definition of "reeling it in" is to squeeze her bum and then put his hands up in surrender, though, so maybe he's just a greedy little shit. ]
Don't you want to make your husband jealous? Listen, I'm just being helpful.
[ But! A quick glance at the clock says that he has about thirty minutes, which means that he might have to excuse himself to go the gentleman's room so he can start crawling through vents... being a thief is so hard, this is why he doesn't do it often. ]
And I can definitely handle the heat, it's in my name.
[Okay the ass squeeze definitely garners some volume that turns a few eyes their way, and Lupin jumps about 5 inches in the air, coincidentally the same length of Baroqueheat's dick, and when he lands, turns wide eyes and red cheeks on the Brat, bosom in a flutter.
Gross! Fucking gross! He's going to have to squeeze Jigen's butt twenty times to forget this incident. SICK. Of course all she does is reach over and swat him too hard on the ass, squealing--]
You're so bad~ No, I don't want to make him jealous that much. As fun as it is to see his little faces and then make up, and as much as I know he'll forgive me...I don't want him to burn dinner next time.
[His gaze is drawn to whatever Baroqueheat's looking at-- it's the clock. It's almost show time!]
Will you at least leave me with your name before I extinguish you?
[ What has Jigen's ass done to deserve this!! Baroqueheat, ignorant to the plight of Jigen's buns, just cackles like the shithead he is and takes his own spanking like a pro. He even seems to enjoy it, too. Lupin should go wash that hand. ]
I'm a homewrecker, what can I say? ♥ Your husband deserves it for leaving you alone with Big Bad Wolf.
[ Little wolfpaws accompany his statement. He'd be cute if he just shut up. ]
—And the name's Baroqueheat, Baron Obscene. The title's a labor of love from my princess, cute, right?
[What the fuck hasn't Jigen's ass done?! It's directly responsible for what's happening in the now. It's gonna get thirty squeezes at this rate. Lupin's going to wash his hand with acid.]
But the only wolf here I see is this She-Wolf, right here. Now, there's a pup before me, nipping. Could he be whom you're referring? [Accentuated with a toothy grin of her own]
[BARON OB- that's actually a good one. Lupin chuffs a laugh, fingers pluck a fold of his dress, right at the knee, and does a little curtsy.]
It's nice to make your acquaintance, your lordship. Your little princess is truly a wordsmith!
[and a firecracker, probably. Good. Those types keep 'em on their toes.]
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this mental image is too real
Running a hand through his effortlessly wind-swept hair, he waves all thoughts about leather up asscracks aside. ]
Hmm, a "you're-so-embarrassing-you-damn-disgrace-I-hope-you-dip-your-ass-in-sulfuric-acid" kind of murder? [ He says this all in one breath: easy, breezy, CoverHeat. ] I hope you'll be there to kiss my boo-boo better.
spoiler alert, fujiko is in charge down there probably
This guy's a stubborn one of strong mental barriers, that's for sure. It's almost admirable]
[ah, and there's another laugh from the master thief, a momentary kinship in people they love wanting to hurt them deeply]
Sounds like you're in love. Though I can't tell if it's with the girl or her punishments. I'll kiss it alllll better and put ointment on it, don't worry.
kind of good end...for lupin...? KIND OF??
Ah, the warmth of another human. Something to keep him sleeping soundly at night, except this warmth is all synthetic. Rest in peace, shithead. ]
Shh, she might hear you. She's not supposed to know. [ about which, he won't articulate!! ] Are you usually this nice to everyone you meet at weird parties, or is it because I'm so handsome? Tell me I'm handsome, tell me I'm handsome! ♥
probably the best end hes ever gonna get tbh
But I have the feeling you live dangerously. Her knowing and taking you home to take her mound of flesh gets you going, surely. [he wonders.] You're certainly easy on the eyes, yes~ But it was your eyes, I think.
it was this or the crossdressing owl goemon end
My eyes?
[ Browwaggle, he'd give Lupin a run for his money on the art of this motion ]
How dangerous do my eyes tell you I am? Wolf? Tiger? Adorable puppy? In ascending order of ferocity.
...........damn, now i'm torn
Lupin's proud of his own restraint, for instead of pulling out Hi-tan's eyebrows, he wiggles them back, smile coy and chin dipped so he can look at this punk from beneath curled lashes.]
Your eyes are the window to the soul, you know. I'd say you're more of a....
[one manicured nail to his chin, tap, tap]
Adolescent puppy. Old enough to know better, rebellious enough to care less. Trying to find your way on gangling, clumsy limbs, with all your heart.
those hairy legs and those beady eyes, for eternity
That tap, tap, tap against his chin has him melt like butter, brows drooping and lips sinking into his stupid goofy smile. He snaps teeth, as if to play along with what she's saying, the click as sharp as that faint glint that crosses his smile. ]
Old enough to know a nice leg to lean on, young enough that I don't care whose pants I mess up?
[ That's gross, Hi-tan. But he's deflecting, maybe, because damn?? This girl's sharp, maybe he underestimated her.
Quick, time to give her another glass of champagne so she doesn't see right through him. ]
amen
If you'd like to put it that way, sure. I thinking young enough to stubbornly hang on to that bone, and old enough to know what'll happen when you do.
[Avoid-y one, huh. Well, he can live with that. Lupin doesn't blame him. Ah, and definitely won't refuse the drink]
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So, what are you doing after—
[ —this, is what he realizes he can't ask, mostly because he's not willing to ditch Rahzel for a one-night stand; even if it's such a good way to move conversation away from Things About Himself. Shit.
He backpedals like he was born on these shitty wheels taking him back, back, back. ]
—the curtains open and we get to poke at the goods?
[ Nice save. ]
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this slick little bastard was totally gonna ask him out, and then he just pulled out? The nerve of this guy! Brushing off the fake advances of a fake lovely lady!
(why the fuck does he care, he won't ask himself)
'Her' expression settles into something knowing and perhaps a little judgmental.]
Why, keep poking until I find its defenses and stab at the competition, naturally. That's the only way in these parts. How about you?
[Obviously not PA or anything]
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Things seem to be flying a little south for Baroqueheat, because he has to juggle his smoozy bastard side with his competitive asshole side, and it's like having two shoulder devils prodding at him at once. His smile becomes a little stiff, as forced as "her"s. ]
Aha... that made my nethers hurt, and I have no idea why.
[ It must have been the emphatic use of the word "stab". ]
Well. I make love, not war, so I'm trying to find more diplomatic ways to get what I want! ♥
[ diplomatic, aka stealing the fuck out of it because ain't no way he's getting a necklace here for 5 bucks ]
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Hopefully they're prodding him in the ass. Lupin's expression turns no-nonsense, running on luke warm.]
It sounds like longing to me. Or masochism.
[or both. Ah, are his ears-- dick? is his dick ringing??]
Oh? Well you're a strapping young buck, I'm sure some of these old codgers can stand to have their attention slip if you bend down or something...
[How obvious
(this is exactly what you're doing Lupin)]
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That terrifying mental image aside, he recovers when 'she' plays along with him (albeit with an air that says "I do hope your dick gets snapped off"), even if his knees knock inwards and he pitches forward so that his chin's resting on her shoulder. ]
So you want me to moon them? Maybe rack up a few bucks from ladies in the audience who want to put bills in my underwear? That might give me an edge over my competition, yeah.
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Ah, so he recognizes that aura? He's one tough cookie! Not totally gooey up there between the ears. Good to know. He blanches internally when that pointy chin touches him, though on the outside he merely lifts a hand to caress beneath his chin.]
Who said anything about the ladies? Though Madam Maryweather goes to those sorts of places all the time, she can teach the others allll about it! No, you'd have to go for the pool boy act. An edge? A distraction, at least. And it'd certainly anger their husbands.
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[ This smarmy shit. He looks up at her through his bangs, flashes teeth that are too white for his tarry soul. Oblivious he may seem, oblivious he isn't— because he follows that up with a slightly shit-eatingly inquisitive: ]
Will you be mad if I get whatever it is that you're gunning for? ♥
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[He laughs, a genuine belly laugh, shaking his head. Husband? More like his naggy, cute wife in an apron and nothing but.
(mine)]
Like I said, he's not the sort to get jealous easily. He's a very giving kind of man. And he knows I, too, am a free spirit. He'll probably disapprove of you blinding everyone with your ass, though.
[Bats her eyelashes at him again, wicked, wicked red lips turned up at the edges, a toothy smile nearly splitting her face, wide enough to swallow him whole or tear him to bits.]
Who's to say you'll get it before I do~? I've been doing this a lot longer than you have, baby.
[This must be how Fujiko feels...]
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Ooh, scary, scary. I bet he has a scar running down his face and smokes big fat cigars.
[ (Somewhere in the corner of the room, Jigen sneezes.)
He's about to chuckle at his own joke when he catches that smile out of the corner of his eye, though, and it dies halfway in his throat. ]
—Mm, are we gonna be racing for it? I love having women at my tail, not gonna lie.
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Oh, if only he knew. Not quite a don, but a guard dog turning his nose up at the scraps and biting the tails off the little yapping rookies that get too close to his den. He doesn't even swat deserving dumbasses with his precious hat.]
Pall Malls, actually. He smokes those. And his face is really, really handsome. He tries so hard not to make faces when I kiss him but, well...
[His smile turns all soft again, for a quarter of a second, before the teeth are back, ready to line Baroqueheat's throat if need be.]
I don't think it'll be much of a race, since all you'll be privy to is the sight of my dust in the distance.
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He laughs, pulls his arms up to drape them over her a shitty octopus. ]
I'm a Marlboros guy, wanna kiss me and see if I taste different? ♥
[ Now he's really motivated to steal this thing, serves her shitty husband right for not getting it for her when he had the chance. ]
Really? That's so cold, after all we've been through together...!
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Hmmm...you are definitely the kiss and tell kind of guy~ But am I really a challenge if my husband won't get jealous? Besides, I know you'll taste different. Worlds different.
[She rolls her eyes playfully. God, the nerve of this brat. Does he really think he's going to get one up on the Master Thief? No, he thinks he's going to get one up on this possible dominatrix wife of a possible mob don. Fat chance.]
All's fair in love and loot, darling boy. If you can't handle the heat, stay in the back during dodge ball.
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Oh, that's exciting.
His definition of "reeling it in" is to squeeze her bum and then put his hands up in surrender, though, so maybe he's just a greedy little shit. ]
Don't you want to make your husband jealous? Listen, I'm just being helpful.
[ But! A quick glance at the clock says that he has about thirty minutes, which means that he might have to excuse himself to go the gentleman's room so he can start crawling through vents... being a thief is so hard, this is why he doesn't do it often. ]
And I can definitely handle the heat, it's in my name.
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Gross! Fucking gross! He's going to have to squeeze Jigen's butt twenty times to forget this incident. SICK. Of course all she does is reach over and swat him too hard on the ass, squealing--]
You're so bad~ No, I don't want to make him jealous that much. As fun as it is to see his little faces and then make up, and as much as I know he'll forgive me...I don't want him to burn dinner next time.
[His gaze is drawn to whatever Baroqueheat's looking at-- it's the clock. It's almost show time!]
Will you at least leave me with your name before I extinguish you?
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I'm a homewrecker, what can I say? ♥ Your husband deserves it for leaving you alone with Big Bad Wolf.
[ Little wolfpaws accompany his statement. He'd be cute if he just shut up. ]
—And the name's Baroqueheat, Baron Obscene. The title's a labor of love from my princess, cute, right?
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But the only wolf here I see is this She-Wolf, right here. Now, there's a pup before me, nipping. Could he be whom you're referring? [Accentuated with a toothy grin of her own]
[BARON OB- that's actually a good one. Lupin chuffs a laugh, fingers pluck a fold of his dress, right at the knee, and does a little curtsy.]
It's nice to make your acquaintance, your lordship. Your little princess is truly a wordsmith!
[and a firecracker, probably. Good. Those types keep 'em on their toes.]
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The curtsy is returned with a bow, perfectly executed in a mockery of a real gentleman's gesture, with straight posture and one impeccably-bent arm.
Internally, he thinks: sorry, pretty lady, but you're not gonna get what you came here for. (famous last words.) ]
Big Bad Puppy, then. The quickest way to a woman's heart is with a cute little dog, didn't you know?
[ All smiles on his end, as he shoves his hands into his suit pockets. ]
My little princess is going to be a winner! You'll see, she looks really good in sparkles.
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