[LUPIN IS CLEAN? HE'S HAPPY BEING CLEAN?? HE WOULD BE AS DRY AND DANGEROUS AS HI-TAN'S DICK IF HE WASN'T!! He in no way, shape or form wants his book to be covered in as much dirt and shit as Baroqueheat's. He wants nothing of this at all, he's sending away for a crate of Holy Water.
Lupin's preparations are more simplistic than an outfit change and ceiling rescues....for now, anyway. He does have to lure two security guards into the Master Bedroom and promise them to have their way with 'her'....
Of course the second either of them gets a facefull of those fake tits they're both subjected to a potent sleep gas, yes, right from the tits. It's convenient as hell. With Jigen out there on lookout, it takes very little time at all for him to find the secret switch...........
But no password!! So guess who has very little time and one slinky dress to crawl all up into the ceiling in? This guy!!
[ CLEAN...I glances. Can Lupin really profess to be clean, with a clear conscience? At least Baroqueheat embraces the fact that he's as clean as gutter water. Denial, river, Egypt.
Said dirty asshole is grumbling under his breath at how shitty and dusty the ceiling is, how people don't crawl through these spaces for a reason, when he sees the familiar outline of something that seems unmistakably like an ass in front of him.
Huh.
Said ass is clothed in a dress that is unmistakably the dress of that pretty mafia madam that he was talking to earlier.
Double huh.
So this is what she was talking about when she was talking about dodgeball and being better at it than him. What a kinky woman, cat burgling with a little leather play on the side.
Grinning from ear to ear, Baroqueheat crawls towards her and
spanks a palm against that ass, holy shit he's going to get murdered later. ]
[His dick is at least moderately clean which is more than anyone can say for a single inch of Baroqueheat's dick. His heart? That's another story that'll take on at least three decades.
Lupin's just thanking his lucky stars he hasn't seen any mice yet-- not that he's afraid of them. They're just inconveniences. Cute, but bite through things and are just generally a nuisance.
So it's double his unluck that one particular rat swats a hand against his ass, which wrenches the loudest shriek from Lupin's mouth to date.
(That's definitely not Jigen--)
Turning to glower over his shoulder at that damn voice, he snarls:]
Just what the hell do you think you're doing?!
[He's going to have the pleasure of becoming ground beef once Lupin finds a fan to push him through~~]
[ Don't be rude to that dick, that dick is a war veteran, it's been places, Seen Things. Truly, you whippersnappers don't know how to respect your elders.
And.. whoa, okay, he's definitely caught her at the wrong time. In a bad mood because her brand-name dress is getting dirty...? Hm.
He reaches out and rubs that ass because it must be aching, sorry. (Sorry for being alive, more like.) ]
[NO IT ISN'T. It's not a war veteran, its a sponge, a SPONGE!! that's all it is and ever will be. It doesn't deserve a medal of honor. He won't respect Baroqueheat's erectile dysfunction clause.
A strange sound echoes throughout their enclosed little paradise of two. It's a grinding sound. Like something...hard? Something like teeth? Ah, yes, it's Lupin trying not to shatter his own teeth with the rage powered through his clenched jaws.
It takes a moment, but 'she' lets out a giggle.]
Oh dear, it looks like you caught up to me~ I'm almost proud. Why don't we...
[Reaching back, she touches his hand and bends it backwards painfully]
Get a little more friendly, hmm~?
[At this rate Lupin is never going to come out of the bath. It's almost as bad as that one time Zenigata dressed in drag for that festival and Lupin's face made contact with his ass. It was perky.]
[ Baroqueheat expects Lupin to be there on Veteran's day, dressed in full regalia, crying as they put up a monument in the national park dedicated to the service that dick has done for Queen and Country. He expects Lupin to be there to put a medal around that dick. Make it so.
That grinding sound, though. For a second, Baron Obscene is worried that the ceiling is going to cave, but that seems to be the least of his concerns as he feels his bones grinding this time around. Specifically, his wrist.
The fact that he manages not to start screaming like a howler monkey and give the both of them away is nothing short of a miracle... Instead, he's hissing: ]
Ow ow ow ow ow!! Mercy, mercy!
[ But he's also going to draw forward and put his head on that ass so he has somewhere to rest it, this is so much ass he's getting in one night, he'll take his victories where he can. ]
Save the breaking for when you've got me in your dungeon...!!
[SO HE'S GONNA FUCK QUEEN ELIZABETH?? HE'S GOING TO GIVE THAT OLD BAG A GOOD DICKING??? WOW!!! Baroqueheat needs to be in the deepest, dankest jail cell in all of England, immediately. What a sick fuck. It's no surprise his thirst would go so far...
He knows some restraint. Lupin had the feeling he could train him. This must be how Fujiko feels all the time....
but then his face meets Lupin's ass and it's all over. He twists that wrist]
Well if you cost me this pretty prize, that won't be the most vital bone I'm breaking in you. Huh, it's not actually a bone though...
[ Baroqueheat, the first person to attempt to motorboat Lupin's ass. Goodbye, that last untainted inch of Lupin's dignity.
He could have yelped, but he clamps down on it with herculean force; instead of yelling into the ether, he yells muffledly into the fold of Lupin's dress. On his ass. This is the worst thing in the world. ]
Please, Hi-tan needs that to show all the other lions in the territory who's boss...!
[ That actually winds up sounding more like "pleeth, Hi-than needth that to..." We don't have to elaborate on why. ]
Of everything the master thief has ever experienced, he can't say another grown man yelping into his ass in distress is something he's ever had the displeasure of knowing intimately until this very moment. Where's a time machine when you need it?? It's a sensation that makes him shiver, makes him yelp in turn, makes the remainder of his soul crumble to ash right there in the vent.]
What was that? You want this up your own bum~? I didn't know you were so daring, Hi-tan! Why don't you sit here and think about what your plans are for the future while I decide whether or not I'm telling my hubby about this.
[Get real, he's never fucking telling Jigen or anyone about this.]
I thought your hubby wasn't the jealous type?! I'm sure he doesn't want you to become a deviant, so let's practice a little peace before you snap off my piece!
[ Nudging...that ass with his head, which is his idea of how best to offer this olive branch. That, and his wrist is currently on the verge of breaking off, and he needs the other one to brace himself in this vent.
Through a nearby grate, he can see the room below, full of glass cases and sealed boxes. If only he can get there with his dick intact... this task is proving more difficult than he anticipated. ]
Oh, he doesn't get jealous of my free spiritedness-- but he's a whole 'nother character entirely when it means getting between him and a good deal.
[Ah yes, that sounds pleasant enough~ Even with the creak Baroqueheat's bones are making with every twist!! What a beautiful sound, what a resentful sound! If this dumbass hadn't shown up, face ON HIS DAMN ASS Lupin would have had the goods by now instead of his own goods getting fondled.
It couldn't hurt him to listen, could it? He gives that shitty wrist another wrench forward]
[ Lupin will have more than Hi-tan's face on his ass to worry about in a second, because the shitlord is reaching behind his back (using every ounce of ab strength he has to keep himself upright by his knees and his head braced on Lupin's plush rump) to tug out his roll of rope.
Why rope? How could this possibly used to ameliorate this situation?
The answer is that he's going to try to use it to tie Lupin's feet together. Rest in fucking pieces, Baroqueheat. ]
—I show you a little bit of what I learned in the circus, and you can be really impressed by it!
[ Words still muffled because he's balancing himself thanks to the aid of Lupin's lovely bum. ]
[WHY THE FUCK DID HE THINK TO BELIEVE THIS IDIOT?! First his ass now his feet?! He's going to try to look up the skirt, isn't he? Anger settles like lead at the bottom of Lupin's stomach.
There's a deep gust of wind that's definitely Lupin sighing as he shifts into a sitting position, saving his ass (literally) and then, he kicks out with both feet]
Oh my, what fun! But I'm against what they do to you animals in there-- peanuts are not the way to have a proper, well rounded diet. Also, I'm charging you a thousand bucks, by the way~
[ The sound that follows that kick is a very loud, very audible rolling of flesh and bone against hard metal plating. If only he weren't built so sturdily, he might have done the world a favor and perished.
"Plan 1: Mission Impossible That Shit" is turning out to be an abysmal failure, which he reflects upon with his face shoved into dust and possibly rat shit. ]
A thousand bucks for what?!
[ At this point, he doesn't give a fuck about possibly alerting the others to their presence; he has a feeling that he's contending with someone far more tricky than a few goons with guns. ]
That's it, Hi-tan's gonna start playing dirty...!
[ as if everything before this was clean?! god help them both. ]
A thousand bucks for that motorboating! You'll never sail ever again after I'm through with you.
[Is what he snarls over one pale shoulder before he's off again, snagging his One Night Nuisance's rope and crawling forward over to his grate to paradise. Taking the time to open it, lightning quick, he sets it aside and from the recesses of that skirt? Retrieves a full assault of climbing equipment. It takes a couple of seconds to secure himself to the vent and tug at the harness around his waist twice to make sure everything's honky dory.
(Nothing is honky dory. What the fuck is this situation)
Then he scoots that magnificent bottom to the edge of the vent for the last tip over the cliff, as it were.
The most disgusting giggle leaves his lips, and he even rubs his hands together gleefully.]
[ To be fair, a thousand dollars is actually pretty generous given that Baroqueheat's probably scarred Lupin for life...
The current lack of a rope's taken the fun out of things, really. He didn't need it, as demonstrated by the fact that he sighs and swordhands his way out of the vent, carves a hole in the metal (he's not paying for building damage) and drops down like a cat, but you know. It was the feeling that he was going for. The mood! How cruel of the Don's dame to take that away from him. He'd sue if she weren't so lovely.
(What he doesn't know...)
When he drops down, surprisingly silent despite the considerable fall, he makes sure to look up and grin cheekily at Lupin.
[He's going to be paying out the ass, almost not metaphorically, then.
While he's moseying his way down, plunge by jerky plunge of rope length, way too slow for his own liking and the liking of this hiking of the damn skirt. And when he looks up again that little bastard is slicing his way through the goddamn metal in order to drop down!! What the hell--
Growling under his breath, the master thief throws caution to the wind and drops down as well, moderately graceful, and waves his fist threateningly at Baroqueheat, mouthing back:
Go to hell!
They're down to the final countdown. Lupin lunges.]
[ He sees that and reads those lips as "bro you're swell". Yeah, he agrees.
But he'll have to give it to her, she's gutsy: she jumps (pretend not to see how he's craning his neck to see if he can sneak a peek) and scrambles for the case with the diamond necklace in it, which Baroqueheat also dives for.
His hand touches the cold exterior of that metal trunk, and he whispers to his competitor: ]
I'll show you rocks that are bigger than these later, so how about you let go?
[he's going to have a swell in a second and it's going to be his FACE....
red, red nails tap, tap, tap against metal, a haunting sound of excitement and anticipation in the otherwise quiet room. A node of electricity, the calm before the shitstorm, races up Lupin's spine, despite this little bothersome fucking mosquito.
red, red lips give way to a toothy smile:]
What are you going to do, rub em against your five inch stick and fire away? No thanks~ You're way out of your league, kid.
[ Note to self: women are far more scary when you're between them and a billion-dollar necklace. She's not even calling him dear anymore, his fragile heart is going to shatter.
Red nails tap, and Baroqueheat's nails tap in tandem as he thinks about a good strategy to get her hand off his booty. Okay, off his treasure and onto his booty. No, focus. Focus. ]
Maybe you can help me with it, together we can reinvent fire. ♥
[ how MANY of these fucking LINES does he have, holy shit. But he seems to recall that she has a tendency to be a little shy about ass-slaps, so he tries to go for another one. Maybe she'll get too flustered to continue... ]
Reinvent fire? [He hums, pursing those plump lips.] That was a pretty bad one...I give it a four out of ten. Your fire is in another castle. You'll have to extinguish it in five minutes away from here.
[And almost as if he sense it in the air, maybe his ass senses it or something, the second those sticky fingers come into contact with aforementioned ass, he kicks out with another heel, back to the case and their prize. One hand smooths up his own thigh, for the holster there, and his Walther P38. He keeps it lowered at his side, for now. But it glints beneath the light, a warning.]
You're a hundred years too early if you think you can handle all this.
[ Despite the fact that this shiteater falls on his ass and looks up at her from the ground, there's a glint in his eye that suggest that he's not at all wounded, not at all fazed. His words are in direct conflict with his body language, all sugar and sweetness, congeniality and coquette. ]
So cold, so cold! I'm a firestarter, not a firefighter, so we can make fires anywhere, anytime. You know what they say about two people meeting and sparks igniting— this is kinda it, don't you think?
[ Let's get up off the floor, though, good man. Perhaps he should look a little more alarmed about the gun, but no— he's no Ryan Gosling, he ain't selling his act at all. He's as breezy as ever. ]
And besides, I can't wait a hundred years. My princess is waiting, and I don't like fighting women! So I'd really like it if you just, y'know. Handed that over.
No, I think I'd rather stamp them out, let 'em grind under my heel. It'd be a nice little polka to end the dance. [a headshake, a huff of a laugh.] The only spark that'll ignite is the mechanisms of this, and nothing having to do with your mechanisms.
[Lupin now raises the gun straight at Baroqueheat's chest, eyes narrowed. His expression sobers instantly. Shoulders rise with a sigh, then drop. What a shitty, manly thing to say, too! (like you're one to talk, Lupin)]
I hate to tell you this, but you've got the wrong cup size, if that's the case.
[His tone is no longer that higher pitched, smokey rasp of a woman who's smoked far too long. It's his normal tone.
He pulls the trigger.
But instead of lead, what flies towards Baroqueheat is a boxing glove loaded on a spring.]
Baroqueheat is on the verge of pissing himself when he hears that voice, unmistakably male and indescribably mismatched with that rack, that ass.
That ass.
Even lightning-quick reflexes can't account for the sheer shock that wells in his stomach and bubbles into faint panic once realization sets in like a slow and heavy stone falling to the darkest depths of the abyss, his rationality making a steady descent into the Mariana Trench and settling on murky, muddy, medieval ground.
His thoughts veer from "oh my god" to "kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me". ]
Wh—
[ Nosebleed and all, he lands back on his ass and looks like a piranha just slid right up his asshole. ]
[Lupin takes advantage of the distinct look of Wanting To Be Sick and Dead on his 'rival's face in order to rip elastic and a wig and the majority of that glorious body suit off, revealing the Master Thief in all his furious glory.
Half-twisting, he nabs the case in one hand and levels the barrel of his gun toward Baroqueheat's downed form once again.
His cheeks are pink and his eyes are nearly teary as his jaw clenches and he bites out:]
DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW THAT?! I FELT IT! I FELT YOUR GROSS FACE THROUGH THE SUIT! I FELT MY SOUL WITHER. THE NEXT ROUND IS GOING TO BE ACID BULLETS WITH PIRANHAS!
[harrumphing]
Look, we can just put this behind my behi- IN THE PAST, IN THE PAST! if you just kindly buzz off. [Tries for a kind, sincere smile, ends up with a wolfish grimace
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no subject
Lupin's preparations are more simplistic than an outfit change and ceiling rescues....for now, anyway. He does have to lure two security guards into the Master Bedroom and promise them to have their way with 'her'....
Of course the second either of them gets a facefull of those fake tits they're both subjected to a potent sleep gas, yes, right from the tits. It's convenient as hell. With Jigen out there on lookout, it takes very little time at all for him to find the secret switch...........
But no password!! So guess who has very little time and one slinky dress to crawl all up into the ceiling in? This guy!!
He's so shitty. So, so shitty.]
no subject
Said dirty asshole is grumbling under his breath at how shitty and dusty the ceiling is, how people don't crawl through these spaces for a reason, when he sees the familiar outline of something that seems unmistakably like an ass in front of him.
Huh.
Said ass is clothed in a dress that is unmistakably the dress of that pretty mafia madam that he was talking to earlier.
Double huh.
So this is what she was talking about when she was talking about dodgeball and being better at it than him. What a kinky woman, cat burgling with a little leather play on the side.
Grinning from ear to ear, Baroqueheat crawls towards her and
spanks a palm against that ass, holy shit he's going to get murdered later. ]
Coming through! ♥
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Lupin's just thanking his lucky stars he hasn't seen any mice yet-- not that he's afraid of them. They're just inconveniences. Cute, but bite through things and are just generally a nuisance.
So it's double his unluck that one particular rat swats a hand against his ass, which wrenches the loudest shriek from Lupin's mouth to date.
(That's definitely not Jigen--)
Turning to glower over his shoulder at that damn voice, he snarls:]
Just what the hell do you think you're doing?!
[He's going to have the pleasure of becoming ground beef once Lupin finds a fan to push him through~~]
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And.. whoa, okay, he's definitely caught her at the wrong time. In a bad mood because her brand-name dress is getting dirty...? Hm.
He reaches out and rubs that ass because it must be aching, sorry. (Sorry for being alive, more like.) ]
A little friendly competition...?
[ Ohhh god ]
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A strange sound echoes throughout their enclosed little paradise of two. It's a grinding sound. Like something...hard? Something like teeth? Ah, yes, it's Lupin trying not to shatter his own teeth with the rage powered through his clenched jaws.
It takes a moment, but 'she' lets out a giggle.]
Oh dear, it looks like you caught up to me~ I'm almost proud. Why don't we...
[Reaching back, she touches his hand and bends it backwards painfully]
Get a little more friendly, hmm~?
[At this rate Lupin is never going to come out of the bath. It's almost as bad as that one time Zenigata dressed in drag for that festival and Lupin's face made contact with his ass. It was perky.]
no subject
That grinding sound, though. For a second, Baron Obscene is worried that the ceiling is going to cave, but that seems to be the least of his concerns as he feels his bones grinding this time around. Specifically, his wrist.
The fact that he manages not to start screaming like a howler monkey and give the both of them away is nothing short of a miracle... Instead, he's hissing: ]
Ow ow ow ow ow!! Mercy, mercy!
[ But he's also going to draw forward and put his head on that ass so he has somewhere to rest it, this is so much ass he's getting in one night, he'll take his victories where he can. ]
Save the breaking for when you've got me in your dungeon...!!
no subject
He knows some restraint. Lupin had the feeling he could train him. This must be how Fujiko feels all the time....
but then his face meets Lupin's ass and it's all over. He twists that wrist]
Well if you cost me this pretty prize, that won't be the most vital bone I'm breaking in you. Huh, it's not actually a bone though...
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He could have yelped, but he clamps down on it with herculean force; instead of yelling into the ether, he yells muffledly into the fold of Lupin's dress. On his ass. This is the worst thing in the world. ]
Please, Hi-tan needs that to show all the other lions in the territory who's boss...!
[ That actually winds up sounding more like "pleeth, Hi-than needth that to..." We don't have to elaborate on why. ]
no subject
Of everything the master thief has ever experienced, he can't say another grown man yelping into his ass in distress is something he's ever had the displeasure of knowing intimately until this very moment. Where's a time machine when you need it?? It's a sensation that makes him shiver, makes him yelp in turn, makes the remainder of his soul crumble to ash right there in the vent.]
What was that? You want this up your own bum~? I didn't know you were so daring, Hi-tan! Why don't you sit here and think about what your plans are for the future while I decide whether or not I'm telling my hubby about this.
[Get real, he's never fucking telling Jigen or anyone about this.]
no subject
[ Nudging...that ass with his head, which is his idea of how best to offer this olive branch. That, and his wrist is currently on the verge of breaking off, and he needs the other one to brace himself in this vent.
Through a nearby grate, he can see the room below, full of glass cases and sealed boxes. If only he can get there with his dick intact... this task is proving more difficult than he anticipated. ]
I have an offer you can't refuse! ♥
no subject
[Ah yes, that sounds pleasant enough~ Even with the creak Baroqueheat's bones are making with every twist!! What a beautiful sound, what a resentful sound! If this dumbass hadn't shown up, face ON HIS DAMN ASS Lupin would have had the goods by now instead of his own goods getting fondled.
It couldn't hurt him to listen, could it? He gives that shitty wrist another wrench forward]
Let's hear it. I could use a laugh.
no subject
Why rope? How could this possibly used to ameliorate this situation?
The answer is that he's going to try to use it to tie Lupin's feet together. Rest in fucking pieces, Baroqueheat. ]
—I show you a little bit of what I learned in the circus, and you can be really impressed by it!
[ Words still muffled because he's balancing himself thanks to the aid of Lupin's lovely bum. ]
no subject
There's a deep gust of wind that's definitely Lupin sighing as he shifts into a sitting position, saving his ass (literally) and then, he kicks out with both feet]
Oh my, what fun! But I'm against what they do to you animals in there-- peanuts are not the way to have a proper, well rounded diet. Also, I'm charging you a thousand bucks, by the way~
[said on a laugh that's all mercury and acid]
no subject
"Plan 1: Mission Impossible That Shit" is turning out to be an abysmal failure, which he reflects upon with his face shoved into dust and possibly rat shit. ]
A thousand bucks for what?!
[ At this point, he doesn't give a fuck about possibly alerting the others to their presence; he has a feeling that he's contending with someone far more tricky than a few goons with guns. ]
That's it, Hi-tan's gonna start playing dirty...!
[ as if everything before this was clean?! god help them both. ]
no subject
[Is what he snarls over one pale shoulder before he's off again, snagging his One Night Nuisance's rope and crawling forward over to his grate to paradise. Taking the time to open it, lightning quick, he sets it aside and from the recesses of that skirt? Retrieves a full assault of climbing equipment. It takes a couple of seconds to secure himself to the vent and tug at the harness around his waist twice to make sure everything's honky dory.
(Nothing is honky dory. What the fuck is this situation)
Then he scoots that magnificent bottom to the edge of the vent for the last tip over the cliff, as it were.
The most disgusting giggle leaves his lips, and he even rubs his hands together gleefully.]
no subject
The current lack of a rope's taken the fun out of things, really. He didn't need it, as demonstrated by the fact that he sighs and swordhands his way out of the vent, carves a hole in the metal (he's not paying for building damage) and drops down like a cat, but you know. It was the feeling that he was going for. The mood! How cruel of the Don's dame to take that away from him. He'd sue if she weren't so lovely.
(What he doesn't know...)
When he drops down, surprisingly silent despite the considerable fall, he makes sure to look up and grin cheekily at Lupin.
He even waves and mouths: "be careful!" ]
no subject
While he's moseying his way down, plunge by jerky plunge of rope length, way too slow for his own liking and the liking of this hiking of the damn skirt. And when he looks up again that little bastard is slicing his way through the goddamn metal in order to drop down!! What the hell--
Growling under his breath, the master thief throws caution to the wind and drops down as well, moderately graceful, and waves his fist threateningly at Baroqueheat, mouthing back:
Go to hell!
They're down to the final countdown. Lupin lunges.]
no subject
But he'll have to give it to her, she's gutsy: she jumps (pretend not to see how he's craning his neck to see if he can sneak a peek) and scrambles for the case with the diamond necklace in it, which Baroqueheat also dives for.
His hand touches the cold exterior of that metal trunk, and he whispers to his competitor: ]
I'll show you rocks that are bigger than these later, so how about you let go?
no subject
red, red nails tap, tap, tap against metal, a haunting sound of excitement and anticipation in the otherwise quiet room. A node of electricity, the calm before the shitstorm, races up Lupin's spine, despite this little bothersome fucking mosquito.
red, red lips give way to a toothy smile:]
What are you going to do, rub em against your five inch stick and fire away? No thanks~ You're way out of your league, kid.
no subject
Red nails tap, and Baroqueheat's nails tap in tandem as he thinks about a good strategy to get her hand off his booty. Okay, off his treasure and onto his booty. No, focus. Focus. ]
Maybe you can help me with it, together we can reinvent fire. ♥
[ how MANY of these fucking LINES does he have, holy shit. But he seems to recall that she has a tendency to be a little shy about ass-slaps, so he tries to go for another one. Maybe she'll get too flustered to continue... ]
no subject
[And almost as if he sense it in the air, maybe his ass senses it or something, the second those sticky fingers come into contact with aforementioned ass, he kicks out with another heel, back to the case and their prize. One hand smooths up his own thigh, for the holster there, and his Walther P38. He keeps it lowered at his side, for now. But it glints beneath the light, a warning.]
You're a hundred years too early if you think you can handle all this.
no subject
So cold, so cold! I'm a firestarter, not a firefighter, so we can make fires anywhere, anytime. You know what they say about two people meeting and sparks igniting— this is kinda it, don't you think?
[ Let's get up off the floor, though, good man. Perhaps he should look a little more alarmed about the gun, but no— he's no Ryan Gosling, he ain't selling his act at all. He's as breezy as ever. ]
And besides, I can't wait a hundred years. My princess is waiting, and I don't like fighting women! So I'd really like it if you just, y'know. Handed that over.
no subject
[Lupin now raises the gun straight at Baroqueheat's chest, eyes narrowed. His expression sobers instantly. Shoulders rise with a sigh, then drop. What a shitty, manly thing to say, too! (like you're one to talk, Lupin)]
I hate to tell you this, but you've got the wrong cup size, if that's the case.
[His tone is no longer that higher pitched, smokey rasp of a woman who's smoked far too long. It's his normal tone.
He pulls the trigger.
But instead of lead, what flies towards Baroqueheat is a boxing glove loaded on a spring.]
no subject
What the fuck.
Baroqueheat is on the verge of pissing himself when he hears that voice, unmistakably male and indescribably mismatched with that rack, that ass.
That ass.
Even lightning-quick reflexes can't account for the sheer shock that wells in his stomach and bubbles into faint panic once realization sets in like a slow and heavy stone falling to the darkest depths of the abyss, his rationality making a steady descent into the Mariana Trench and settling on murky, muddy, medieval ground.
His thoughts veer from "oh my god" to "kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me". ]
Wh—
[ Nosebleed and all, he lands back on his ass and looks like a piranha just slid right up his asshole. ]
—No.. No. No. No?! No....
My face was right up your asscrack!!!!!
no subject
Half-twisting, he nabs the case in one hand and levels the barrel of his gun toward Baroqueheat's downed form once again.
His cheeks are pink and his eyes are nearly teary as his jaw clenches and he bites out:]
DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW THAT?! I FELT IT! I FELT YOUR GROSS FACE THROUGH THE SUIT! I FELT MY SOUL WITHER. THE NEXT ROUND IS GOING TO BE ACID BULLETS WITH PIRANHAS!
[harrumphing]
Look, we can just put this behind my behi- IN THE PAST, IN THE PAST! if you just kindly buzz off. [Tries for a kind, sincere smile, ends up with a wolfish grimace
he's going to be sick
(he's also a little fucking offended???)]
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