c17h19no3 | [ "Which are we helping?" "The girl!" "Typical." ]

[Yeah because it couldn't be the beard, not at all...its discriminatory, dammit! Borderline cruel intentions.

Sure, the principles of invading a bros mattress time, ok.

He has seconds to watch the sandwich fall to its death, a moment of silence and reflection, before he's locked. He's not going down without a fight, though! He'll wiggle and tug at Jigen's arm and pinch with those tricky fingers]

That's not true at all! What part of mystery gentleman thief of the decade don't you get? Plenty of ladies want to jump into my arms and cuddle me to their supple bosoms. Don't deny your own desire for it either, Jigen-chan~

[he knows you're just shy, man. It's cool. He knows, through this connection that they have]

[ How could you have a problem with this glorious jungle of facial hair? The world is so lacking in taste.

This comment about how Jigen is secretly pining for some snuggle time with Lupin, though. The funny thing is that at this very moment, in this precise moment in time, Jigen is, in fact, holding his partner's head against his not-so-ample bosom.

Enjoy that view, Lupin. It's not a particularly exciting one. ]

Hey, don't include me in your wishful thinking.

[ If Lupin thought that that was enough to deter Jigen from not trying to cut off his breathing, he's wrong. His arms tighten a little. ]

[how do you do anything with it, it can barely fit in a wet suit and you have to tape it down with most disguises. Despite how...dashing it is.

Don't ever say Lupin never got a feel, fedora boy. Not very comfortable but he supposes these As will do.

WHINING LIKE THE TITBABY HE IS, he snakes one of those noodle-y legs up to kick at the closest part of Jigen he can reach, hopefully it's soft and painful]

Who'd want your tough bosom?! It doesn't even go all aflutter when you're startled. Well I guess some nuns would like that...

[ The only negative feeling associated with Jigen's facial hair should be jealousy from other mortals who can only aspire to that level of debonairness. Said beard ruffles a little when he scowls, feeling the hard end of Lupin's heels digging into his outer thigh. (Is there even a part of Jigen that's soft and squishy on the outside, he's like a goddamn stick.)

A light noogie to the side of Lupin's head there, against his temple, for his trouble. ]

How the hell you manage to always think in terms of women, I'll never know.

[ That's a lie, he totally knows why— because Lupin's incorrigible— but he doesn't want to make it too easy. ]

[Right, of course. It takes tough stuff from tough men to be able to conquer such feats like Jigen. Just thinking about the effort it must take to comb that thing is painful. He yowls and kicks feebly, hands tugging and punching at Jigen's arm, tongue lolling from his mouth to add to the dramatics]

It's called a trade secret, Jigen, and having an open, sunny imagination with a side order of sunning jugs by the pool! Maybe some day you'll understand but I won't count on it. [sighs and tuts]

Edited 2015-01-22 12:26 (UTC)

[ It's objectively a bad idea to keep up this horseplay on a location where both of them could easily lose balance and break their neck, but they're a pair of daredevils; they could probably do this all day. But being able to and actually doing it are two different things, and once Lupin starts slapping his arm for mercy, Jigen finally lets go with both arms raised, palms open in the universal sign of "I've relinquished control".

The mention of Jigen never understanding the merits of women pass by like a breeze, because everyone who knows him knows that he has a soft spot a mile wide and eons deep, a dark vortex of mushy feelings that he claims is an exception to the rule instead of the rule. He's weak, Jigen Daisuke, but he's content for now with the people around him who, like him, live stupidly and resourcefully.

Besides, there's no time to be distracted by beautiful femme fatales, he has to be alert and babysit this nerd 24/7. ]

Yeah, don't count on it.

[ The master of dismissive coolguy one-liners. They're both a mess of juice and crumbs, though, so the professionalism doesn't quite reach "convincing" levels as Jigen bats at his work uniform to get a glob of mayo off his sleeve. ]

—Now use that imagination of yours to imagine me a new shirt.

[Lupin shoots him one last glare, fingers brushing off imaginary dust and the last flecks of dignity from his shoulders. Off they go, into the wind, look at them soar! And at least the supes have given up on coaxing them down or coaxing a foot up the beam and up their asses by now.

Jigen may understand a lady's heart deeper, and more than most would expect. (Not more than him, though). Sometimes he wishes his buddy could catch a break! It'd be good for the soul, soothing love soup for the soul. But on the other hand it'd be way too boring if they all parted ways because of something like that, so as wistful, and maybe futile, as the wish is, he knows. It's probably for the best.]

[a sniff] I used a lot of it on the abs I paint- er trained myself for in this muscle shirt. [and just when it looks like he's going to sulk for another half an hour, he claps a hand across Jigen's back, all smiles] Lucky for you I've always got spares. Maybe you should look into it too.

[ Jigen has to settle for guy love with Lupin, which isn't all that bad, all things considered. Lunch is winding down, and some of the others are putting away the remnants of their quick-and-easy meals to earn their day's keep, which might be their cue to also stop being huge manchildren and get to "work", aka vigorously pretend that they're totally here to do some heavy-duty lifting instead of be crafty robbers. Whoever could suspect them of the latter???

The insinuation that Jigen will ever have as many clothes and disguises as Lupin does in his closet gets him to chuckle, long-suffering but in good humor. ]

Don't suppose you've got one on you right now. One that won't out me as not being a construction worker.

[ or a dress, don't hand him a dress because he hasn't shaved those hairy legs ]

[At least he receives lovingly prepared lunches of grass and mayo a cow wouldn't even eat if given the choice!! You just can't beat that with tits. A finger lifts in the air, eureka!, and with elbows flying with the movement of his arms, Lupin delves into the lunchbox at his side, back turned to Jigen so he can rummage with the aid of proper lighting. Not a minute too soon he retrieves a white shirt, flaps it to get the wrinkles out,and holds it out, triumph on his face]

Here, I think this one'll keep your cover and your tough vibes safe.

[damn, of all the days he did pack a dress. Oh well. The back of the shirt has 'Bad Boy' scrawled across the back in pink letters.]

Edited 2015-01-23 04:43 (UTC)

[ You stingy bastard... the next time Jigen packs lunch, all Lupin's gonna get is a whole lot of bread and a pathetic slice of tomato.

That shirt, though. From the front? It looks perfectly harmless— just another white T-shirt— so Jigen takes it from his pal with a sort of semi-surprised expression on his face, a silent "huh, I gave you this opening and you didn't take it". How surprising that his partner has something in his box of disguises that isn't at least somewhat extra.

His mayo and juice-ridden shirt is tugged off and tossed to the side (farewell...), replaced by Mr. 'Bad Boy' here. How he missed the blaring pink warning sign on the back will be the mystery of the day...

Good thing Jigen and Lupin are basically the same height, it fits him like an embarrassing glove. ]

Hey, thanks. [ How dare you do this, Lupin... a few people glance their way and snicker under their sandwiches. ] Feels weird, wearing a shirt without a jacket.

[LUPIN CARES ABOUT HIS DIGESTION why must you overlook this. At least include a cookie for dessert...

The giggle Lupin unsuccessfully smothers with his knuckles? Is definitely because it's workin' time and Jigen feels off without a jacket, as is that professional clause. It's definitely not because of the embarrassing shirt he still hasn't noticed. Oh man, Lupin can't wait to tell Goemon about this and try to make him care about it only to get a 'childish endeavors when you should have been doing your job' instead.

Closes the lunchbox, flips the glasses back onto his nose, and climbs to his feet cautiously and slowly. Lupin pats his knees of imaginary dust and nods.]

No problem, man. It's mind over matter-- just pretend you've got one on. We'll be out of here in no time. Just try not to gamble away your shoes with the guys later.

[snerk snerk

but honestly, for a man of many faces and outfits and asses, Lupin knows what he means in the basic sense. Nothing feels quite as right and wholesome as the sensation of his suit settling over his bones. It's like armor, in a way.]

[ It'll be a shitty oatmeal cookie with gross raisins, that'll teach him a lesson about prematurely caring about Jigen's non-failing digestion!!

Jigen follows suit with the standing, dropping his stub of a cig onto the beam and crushing it under the heel of his nice shoe. This would be so much cooler if he wasn't wearing this travesty of a shirt, but he can't win them all... ]

Yeah, yeah. Worry about yourself and not getting hosed down for saying or doing something stupid.

[ These tough-ass construction workers might give them both a run for their money, quite literally... He glances around and wonders why some of them look so amused, though. Must be all these haters being jealous of his beard. ]

[The early bird gets the worm! Or in this case the early turd...?

Watching the descent of Jigen's cigarette makes him ponder the fate of his own. At least he didn't swallow it. Small miracles you've got to get behind in a life like theirs. The fact others have caught on to his little joke only makes Lupins grin all the goofier.]

Hosed down? Little ol' me? Wouldn't dream of it! I'm a little more worried about having to win your shoes back for you after hours, partner. They could take advantage of a good natured fellow like you. [trails off in a fit of snickers]

[ The early worm gets the turd...? This is getting too deep.

Here's a raise of his brow under the brim of his hat, squint and maybe you can see it. ]

Hey. What's up with the sudden buttering up? What the hell did you do this time.

[ After the watercress disaster, he doesn't trust you, Lupin... or, well, he shouldn't have trusted Lupin approximately 55 seconds ago when he agreed to wear that shirt, the poor fool. The laughing makes this even more suspicious, so Jigen combs a hand through his facial hair to make sure that nothing's made a nest out of it.

No birds, phew. ]

[let it blow the mind, you don't even need acid for this shitty trip.

Raises his own eyebrows in response (he'd recognize those skeptical eyes anywhere under that hat), the very picture of innocence. There's your second warning sign, Jigen.]

Buttering you up? What are you, a croissant? Too hairy for that. I can't believe you'd think a friend winning back another friend's shoes is something to be suspect about. I expected better from you. [tuts and shakes his head, even wags a finger under Jigen's nose]

[ Lupin feigning ignorance is a surefire sign that he's hiding something, and that hand poised near his face moves to rummage at his pants pockets; nothing amiss. So far. ]

Alright, now I know that something's up. Spit it out, what kind of ridiculous mess are you gonna try to get me in this time?

[ Is Jigen going to be Cinderella of this construction castle, destined to leave a shoe for Prince Corrupt Charming?? He's on to you. ]

Nothing! Damn, your suspicion gland is on overdrive today. You really need to do something about that, you're gonna pull a muscle.

[shaking his head again, looking genuinely puzzled, he retrieves a power drill from nearby and gives it a go, playfully brandishes it before his partner. He's just too easy sometimes.

The fun now is what gets him through the knowledge that he's doomed the instant Jigen finds out.]

Some of us have gotta get back to faking working like real professionals. If you wanna play around, be my guest, Jigen-chan.

Edited 2015-01-23 07:35 (UTC)

I'll have you know that that's how I've stayed alive until now.

[ Referring to his hyperactive suspicion gland, of course. But that's all he's gonna say about that, because it gets tired and old to go through the motions of pretending to care about the fact that they're always under constant danger anyway.

Instead, he thinks about what he's gonna do to Lupin once he does find out about what these wily wily schemes are, as he picks up a nailgun and makes sure it's not loaded. ]

Remember what I said about haunting you from the grave, Lupin.

Every throb of that glad is another gray hair that's gonna pop up on your beard, I'll have you know. You can never be too careful but you can learn to rely on your muscle memory too.

[Gray. Hair. Lounge King. When he catches sight of the nail gun Lupin gulps, Adams apple bobbing with Feeling. Here's where he's distinctly thankful for being light on his feet; those feet take him to the other end of the beam for some good ol' manly drilling]

What was that? I can't hear you, you're gonna have to speak up! You're breaking up, man!

[Now, while he knows if he can't hear the danger its even worse but his gut is rebelling against his brain. Probably because of the turkey.]

Edited 2015-01-23 08:08 (UTC)

[ Who thought it would be a good idea to give a sharpshooter a nail gun??? Clearly the supervisor of this construction gig, who lives in blissful ignorance of what these nerds do on a daily basis. Will his 0.3 second quickdraw reputation apply to power tools? Will Lupin sleep tonight with a butt cast on? Stick around and find out.

The look Jigen gives Lupin can only be described as "dubious". Dubious, with a side of "I'm on to you". It's an expression he's mastered through the years, one that he keeps trained on his partner as he reaches for the box of nails to slowly, purposefully load the tool in his hands. ]

I said, I warned you!

[ A warning that's clearly fallen on deaf ears... If Lupin looks around, he might notice that one of the workers, grin in tow, is approaching Jigen; no doubt to wind him up a little. ]

[Lupin sure is close to the ledge and trying to ignore the heat of anger and danger on his back, likening it to the sun's rays instead!! That's what it is, the sun being friendly and overbearing and not at all his gunman partner wanting to destroy him!! He will probably end up sleeping with a butt cast on tonight and have to endure Goemon's bedside manner which leaves so much to be desired.

The smile Lupin gives him in return can only be described as "innocent" and also "oh shit".]

What was that, am I warm? No, I'm perfectly fine but I feel something burning holes into my back, you might wanna look into it!

[he's too worried about his own ass to be worried about some bystander who isn't intimidated by Jigen's charm or beard.]

[ There would be a retort here, about how that hole could become a literal hole and not a metaphorical one, but he's cut off by one worker patting him on the shoulder and greeting him with a jovial "cool it, Mr. Bad Boy".

And then another slap on the back, with another "must be tough, being such a Bad Boy".

And then a third "from the wife? You two must be having one hell of a good time after hours".

Jigen looks stunned for approximately ten seconds, looking back and forth between the laughing men and his partner (still drilling), before he puts two and two together. The shirt— ]

—Get your ass over here!

[ He would have yelled "Lupin!!!", but he's smart enough not to blow their cover... yet... ]

[He shoots half alarmed, half accusing and mostly shitty looks at these assholes who just signed his damn death warrant before he all but throws the power drill in Jigen's path, never once turning his back on his partner.

Sweat beads at his hairline and he gulps, smile crooked in an anxious kind of grin that's all hysterics and no humor.]

NAH, SORRY, I THINK THE BIG BOSS CALLED ME DOWN! WHAT'S THAT? GRANNY FELL IN THE SHOWER AND BROKE THE PICKLE JAR AT THE SAME TIME!? I'M ON MY WAY!

[he actually grabs hold of the beams with all the intention of climbing down all by himself because of this fire lit under his ass]

Thanks a lot, you assholes! [he snarls at the still laughing dumbasses

wait does this make him the wife]

[ Remember that time he was really insistent on killing you, Lupin... this is it, phase 2, except the murder is less permanent and leaning more towards "you're not gonna be able to use that thing in your pants for at least a week".

The poor men caught in the crossfire between these two morons point at themselves in a sort of "what, what did we do?" way, and then shrug and get back to work. Weirdos.

Jigen, though— the power drill kicked aside (way dangerous, dude, thank god some person sees that thing coming down and dodges just in time before it embeds itself in the pavement), he makes his way across the beam like a bearded Godzilla in really nice shoes. ]

What are you, Lassie?! I said, get over here!

[ jigen is absolutely the shitty wife but lupin can have the honor of this role for now ]

[he's distinctly feeling some serious deja vu all up in here, yeah! It feels like that or the last time Lupin used up all the tp and didn't tell Jigen before he went in there and sat down...during a stake out...

WHY ARE THESE ASSHOLES SO NONCHALANT ABOUT A MURDER THEY'RE GOING TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR? People lack so much empathy these days its disgusting. These are the kind of things Lupin laments upon while hurrying down the beam onto the next one, very much feeling the flames of danger on his tail

he can't worry about innocent bystanders yet, he knows in his heart of hearts they learned how to dodge from day one]

WHAT'D YOU SAY? Grandma's stuck in the well? I'm coming, hold your horses! Just don't let her drink all the water, she took a water pill.

[oh good and neither of them even needed dresses]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

42 comments in and heres a poo joke

i can't believe it took us this long

well i was trying to pretend to be professional but...

i was also trying to be professional... it's ok now, the floodgates have opened

maybe this just means we're ready for these brats, now

u say that but i have no idea what i'm doing

BUT YOUR ACTING IS SUPERB we will get there, somehow (i dont know either)

HUSH...YOU'RE ALWAYS GR8... furiously downloads more things to watch

no you are absolutely in a sense of awe and pumping me up. yes yes keep downloading

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject