firstly, he can't be assed to be offended every time lupin gets himself knee-deep in some trouble or other. it comes with the territory, really, and more importantly, he's resigned to the fact that said trouble is probably part of the overarching plan.
the second reason why he can manage some sort of relative calm in this shitty situation is because he's been in a similar one, not once, but twice in the past— said shitty situation being "having to walk around in public with a kid-who-isn't-really-a-kid-but-is-actually-still-a-kid-pretending-to-be-my-son".
he shifts a little on the bench he's sitting on, an unlit pall mall cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth, as he watches
kids milling by the sea lion pond in the middle of the central park zoo. ]
Could've chosen somewhere that smells better.
[ for real, if their mark's hidden something in the fucking penguin pool, someone is going to get punched in the face.
lupin, lupin is going to get punched in the face. ]
[there's a case to solve, and he's not going to let something as stupid as the entire molten core of a planet stand between him and his guy. if he needs to go to new york, he'll track the suspect down to the fucking zoo, and if the ticket lady won't let him in without an adult, he'll sure as shit immediately latch onto the nearest crossover buddy to get in. you'd think maybe he can stop by his parents' place at some point, since his mother is legitimately a broadway actress, but maybe it's better for all involved that his nerdlord parents don't show up and double the dork scale. these two are enough.]
[he's hanging off the rail at the sea lion tank, looking for all the world like a little kid holding his hands up to keep the glare out of his glasses-- except the way he's cupping the rims make the supercomputer in his lenses zoom in so he can scan the crowd for the dropoff point. move over google glass, dr. agasa locked this shit away in the nineties.]
Don't tell me the gunslinger's complaining already. [--wait, something's pinging around the guy pushing the snack cart, and without even thinking his voice lifts up into the little kid chirp.] Papa! Let's get some cotton candy!
[ why is this happening... literally the only thing he was planning on doing was sticking around the entrance to the zoo on the lookout for any suspicious guys in dark suits (the uniform for sketchy criminals), and now he's buying candy for a kid that probably doesn't even fucking like candy as much as he pretends to. shit ain't cheap here, kiddo.
this lanky-ass guy's pulling himself up from this bench, though, inappropriately world-weary for his surroundings. it's like he can't even get excited about the cute sea lions doing tricks, what a spoilsport. ]
"Papa" doesn't want to ruin his son's teeth.
[ but he acknowledges that there's Something There, so he moseys on over to the direction of the snack stand. the guy manning it looks over at the two of them approaching and looks profoundly...uncomfortable... ]
Looks like he doesn't want to, either.
[ aka "that guy def isn't actually a snack guy", or maybe jigen just looks scary as fuck, who knows. ]
[he's totally ignoring that stupid comment in favor of trotting over to the snack stand with a little smile on his face. despite the dude's efforts to wave him off-- conan himself probably doesn't ping as too much of a threat, but these bad guys must be professional enough to recognize that jigen isn't just out for a stroll through the zoo either-- conan glances right at the stack of soda cups ready to be filled; the guy tries to hide his jojosweat.]
Ah? Don't you know, uncle? [he says to the definitely-not-a-snack-guy, language cute and childlike but voice way too confident (and shit-eating) for someone who's supposed to be in first grade. he tucks his hands into his pockets, grinning up at this poor dude.] Concession stands haven't been allowed to sell drinks bigger than 16 ounces in this city for a few years.
[they're using the larger cup sizes to hold merchandise!!! or something, look I legitimately spent like 5 minutes trying to think of some stupid little fact for conan to notice. just roll with it.]
[per standard action chase rules, the guy suddenly sweeps all the shit on the counter towards them and bolts. where!!! is your skateboard!!!! when you need it!!!!!!!]
[ he mutters "showoff" under his breath, even though he's going to stand to the side and let conan be a know-it-all instead of, you know, whipping out a revolver in the middle of a children's zoo.
but as all bad guys do when they're backed into a corner and think they can get away (ha ha), the guy bolts, and jigen stands there and blinks for approximately 0.5 seconds before consulting his handy repository of useless "edogawa conan" facts to do something about this hairy situation instead of firing a gun. ]
—Kid! Where's your soccer ball gadget?
[ because he has one, right... tbh this gizmo isn't even a weird concept to jigen, given that lupin also has an arsenal of "weird shit that you only use once and never think about again". see how well these two nerds work together in-universe, god, where's our fucking third movie!!! ]
[you aren't allowed to fire a gun in a zoo full of children!!!!]
[he'd brought his arm up to shield his enormous head from falling cups and popcorn, but before jigen's even done shouting his hand drops to his belt.]
On it!
[it's already... inflating out of his belt buckle as he kneels down, fingers finding the side of his sneakers blind and snapping the little dial. so he can regain the kicking strength of a high school soccer player, instead of a six year old. this canon is so stupid.]
[he kicks it. he does the thing. it smacks against the back of the guy's head with a resounding thud.]
Go---al! [he thinks he sounds so fucking cool right now.]
[children are staring. grab the perp before he crawls away, jigen.]
Edited (I can't do html, for shame) 2015-01-20 02:15 (UTC)
Try saying that without a bucket on your head, next time.
[ if you're gonna nail it, go full nerd. jigen reaches out and flicks the empty tub of popcorn off conan's head like a big condescending dad, barely caring about the fact that half of central park's pigeon population is now descending upon this tiny child to get at the morsels of snack in his hair.
ok no, he does care, but let him get this perp first. he picks the guy up by the scruff of his neck and drags him back towards the cart ("he tried to abandon his post", he explains, to a shocked mother and her weeping child), flashes a little bit of metal from his belt to show that He Means Business.
(not that he's gonna use it, you know, but. it works.) ]
It's too late to save face now, after getting beaten by a kid. So why don't you spare us the posturing and tell us where you hid the goods.
[ is his very generous suggestion to the guy who literally just got hit in the head with a soccer ball, rest in pieces. this guy definitely looks like he's not getting paid enough to stand around in disguise in a kid's zoo, so he points to the gift shop and mutters something about the drug being called panthera, before
[the pigeons are relentless, and it takes him a good few seconds of wildly flailing his arms back and forth to get them to clear off.]
[but let's be real, getting the guy is objectively more important. he makes a pissy face as jigen goes around casually showing off his weapon (perhaps shockingly, the child does not calm down), but he does trust him enough to get the information they both need; he busies himself instead with poking through the debris on the ground and underneath the cart for anything worthwhile.]
[he finds a little scrap of something shiny stuck in the bottom of one of the enormous soda cups (a pigeon tries to peck at it and he absentmindedly shoos it away); it's probably going to be important later, so let's keep it as vague as possible right now. conan pockets it just in time for the guy to pass out.]
"Panthera," huh. [he's already pulling one of the emergency park phones off a nearby pole and punching in digits for the cops; he'd use his cell phone, but a) he doesn't want to be linked to this if he can help it, and b) international calling is expensiiiive. the gift shop is going to be such a pain, considering how many people there are... and it's super easy for the buyer to purchase whatever's holding the drugs and walk away. shit!!] We need to hurry. He'll be nervous after he notices what happened here. [if he bolts, it might mean a whole new set of adventures, tracking him down across the city... how terrible would that be, right.]
[ it's hilarious how little these two care about the fact that there's a guy passed out on the ground in front of them, and perhaps jigen would be inclined to say a word or two about how they should probably do something about putting this guy somewhere more discreet... when the park rangers come around to start asking some questions about why the fuck this kind of thing is happening on a normal wednesday afternoon.
being an infodump machine for a bunch of not-quite-authority figures isn't the way jigen wants to spend the rest of this day, let's be real.
so. this is him trying to be ~incognito and harmless~, which is him picking conan up by his cute little blue jacket and plopping him up on his shoulders (after muttering a quick "gimme a break" under his breath). ha ha, what a very innocuous father and his infant boy, just another kawaii family spending some quality bonding time at the zoo! ]
Yeah, let's get you on over to the gift shop before it closes.
[ even though the gift shop will be open for another, say, 5 hours at least. who the fuck cares, this is him trying to be a very normal civilian and hinting towards the people clearing his way not to follow them there, not that any of them will. they've had enough.
these long-ass legs are getting them to their destination really quickly, though, and conan is very quickly deposited back on the ground in front of a table stacked high with colorful plush frogs. ]
[there's no way he's letting their guy get away as they deal with the park rangers, so he immediately slides right into the cute child act, pointing excitedly at all the animals he can see from up here until they're past the crowd. look at this adorable family. they definitely have nothing to do with the unconscious guy and the soccer ball bouncing over to the edge of the sea lion tank, ha ha ha.]
[but once back on the ground, he's all business, adjusting his glasses with a sigh.] Not yet. We're going to have to do this the long way. [and he immediately picks up one of the toys, inspects it for any tears, squeezes it, and tosses it over his shoulder to grab the next one. this is some pretty rude behavior, even from someone who looks like a six year old, but he doesn't seem to notice.]
[ the cute stuffed seal flies over conan's shoulder and hits another little girl who looks vaguely affronted for a moment before deciding, wisely, that she's too good for these stupid punks. you do you, little girl.
jigen, on the other hand, looks dubiously at the pile of squishy animals and takes one of the tigers to inspect its fuzzy tummy. adorable. ]
There's gotta be a way to narrow this down. You think the goods are inside a panther?
[ "panthera", panther, it might even be that obvious. he scans the crowded shop for something that fits the description, and points to a row of special edition limited black panther dolls...
[he pauses in the middle of thoroughly inspecting a monkey to look where jigen's pointing.]
N-no way, it wouldn't be something that stupid.
[let's be real, he's just mad that he wasn't the one who thought of it first. not mad enough not to follow up on it, which is why he drops the monkey (where it gently bounces off the pile to lay at the feet of that same little girl) and approaches the statue, but still a little mad.]
[he peers closer, laying a hand on this statue that's like, legit at his eye level, then makes a fist and knocks against it.]
It doesn't sound--
[a saleslady suddenly yells at him to get his hands off the statues, please!!!! sir your child is not!!! allowed!!!! to touch the expensive statues; conan jumps and pulls his hand back automatically.]
[ well, damn. with the saleslady hovering around looking at them as if she's sure that they're here to shoplift the fuck out of these cute little trinkets, it's hard to do important things like investigate this case.
for reference, jigen picks at the price tag looped around the one of the panthers' neck, and then promptly boggles at the printed number. ]
325 dollars. They're not even trying to be subtle.
[ who the fuck pays 300+ dollars for a panther statue at the central park zoo... ]
Looks like cracking these open isn't an option.
[ he mutters, as the saleslady snorts at them from a safe distance.
but!! a beat and a quick glance around their surroundings later reveals a guy in a hat who looks very annoyed at those two morons hovering around the statue area; he's doing that awkward shuffle that people do when they're deciding whether or not they want to go somewhere or talk to someone. ]
[he sticks his hands in his pockets again and shoots jigen a look, like "man, isn't it hard for two detective-type guys like us to go about our business without involving the normal people."]
They have to have a connection in the management. [it's what they expected, but this confirms it; this is larger than just an individual cashier moving product through his day job.] Something this big needs to come from someone higher up.
[but that little awkward moment catches his attention out of the corner of his eye, and like the obnoxious little kid he is, he immediately goes trotting over with a big smile on his face. ha ha ha what a cute innocent kid, can't take your eye off him for a second.] Hey, mister!
[ jigen almost, almost looks like he wants to say something about conan maybe not doing his stupid cute kid gig on their maybe-perp, but he thinks better of it and pretends, with a little smile, to be really interested in these cute alligator paperweights. it's always funny when conan acts like a condescending as hell 5 year old to someone that's not him.
the suspicious guy in the hat, though, doesn't look as enamored by conan talking to him as jigen does, which prompts that very cliche, very well-worn reaction of: ]
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no subject
firstly, he can't be assed to be offended every time lupin gets himself knee-deep in some trouble or other. it comes with the territory, really, and more importantly, he's resigned to the fact that said trouble is probably part of the overarching plan.
the second reason why he can manage some sort of relative calm in this shitty situation is because he's been in a similar one, not once, but twice in the past— said shitty situation being "having to walk around in public with a kid-who-isn't-really-a-kid-but-is-actually-still-a-kid-pretending-to-be-my-son".
he shifts a little on the bench he's sitting on, an unlit pall mall cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth, as he watches
kids milling by the sea lion pond in the middle of the central park zoo. ]
Could've chosen somewhere that smells better.
[ for real, if their mark's hidden something in the fucking penguin pool, someone is going to get punched in the face.
lupin, lupin is going to get punched in the face. ]
no subject
[he's hanging off the rail at the sea lion tank, looking for all the world like a little kid holding his hands up to keep the glare out of his glasses-- except the way he's cupping the rims make the supercomputer in his lenses zoom in so he can scan the crowd for the dropoff point. move over google glass, dr. agasa locked this shit away in the nineties.]
Don't tell me the gunslinger's complaining already. [--wait, something's pinging around the guy pushing the snack cart, and without even thinking his voice lifts up into the little kid chirp.] Papa! Let's get some cotton candy!
no subject
this lanky-ass guy's pulling himself up from this bench, though, inappropriately world-weary for his surroundings. it's like he can't even get excited about the cute sea lions doing tricks, what a spoilsport. ]
"Papa" doesn't want to ruin his son's teeth.
[ but he acknowledges that there's Something There, so he moseys on over to the direction of the snack stand. the guy manning it looks over at the two of them approaching and looks profoundly...uncomfortable... ]
Looks like he doesn't want to, either.
[ aka "that guy def isn't actually a snack guy", or maybe jigen just looks scary as fuck, who knows. ]
no subject
Ah? Don't you know, uncle? [he says to the definitely-not-a-snack-guy, language cute and childlike but voice way too confident (and shit-eating) for someone who's supposed to be in first grade. he tucks his hands into his pockets, grinning up at this poor dude.] Concession stands haven't been allowed to sell drinks bigger than 16 ounces in this city for a few years.
[they're using the larger cup sizes to hold merchandise!!! or something, look I legitimately spent like 5 minutes trying to think of some stupid little fact for conan to notice. just roll with it.]
[per standard action chase rules, the guy suddenly sweeps all the shit on the counter towards them and bolts. where!!! is your skateboard!!!! when you need it!!!!!!!]
no subject
but as all bad guys do when they're backed into a corner and think they can get away (ha ha), the guy bolts, and jigen stands there and blinks for approximately 0.5 seconds before consulting his handy repository of useless "edogawa conan" facts to do something about this hairy situation instead of firing a gun. ]
—Kid! Where's your soccer ball gadget?
[ because he has one, right... tbh this gizmo isn't even a weird concept to jigen, given that lupin also has an arsenal of "weird shit that you only use once and never think about again". see how well these two nerds work together in-universe, god, where's our fucking third movie!!! ]
no subject
[he'd brought his arm up to shield his enormous head from falling cups and popcorn, but before jigen's even done shouting his hand drops to his belt.]
On it!
[it's already... inflating out of his belt buckle as he kneels down, fingers finding the side of his sneakers blind and snapping the little dial. so he can regain the kicking strength of a high school soccer player, instead of a six year old. this canon is so stupid.]
[he kicks it. he does the thing. it smacks against the back of the guy's head with a resounding thud.]
Go---al! [he thinks he sounds so fucking cool right now.]
[children are staring. grab the perp before he crawls away, jigen.]
no subject
[ if you're gonna nail it, go full nerd. jigen reaches out and flicks the empty tub of popcorn off conan's head like a big condescending dad, barely caring about the fact that half of central park's pigeon population is now descending upon this tiny child to get at the morsels of snack in his hair.
ok no, he does care, but let him get this perp first. he picks the guy up by the scruff of his neck and drags him back towards the cart ("he tried to abandon his post", he explains, to a shocked mother and her weeping child), flashes a little bit of metal from his belt to show that He Means Business.
(not that he's gonna use it, you know, but. it works.) ]
It's too late to save face now, after getting beaten by a kid. So why don't you spare us the posturing and tell us where you hid the goods.
[ is his very generous suggestion to the guy who literally just got hit in the head with a soccer ball, rest in pieces. this guy definitely looks like he's not getting paid enough to stand around in disguise in a kid's zoo, so he points to the gift shop and mutters something about the drug being called panthera, before
passing out.
deserve a 911 call...for a concussion ]
Well, damn.
no subject
[the pigeons are relentless, and it takes him a good few seconds of wildly flailing his arms back and forth to get them to clear off.]
[but let's be real, getting the guy is objectively more important. he makes a pissy face as jigen goes around casually showing off his weapon (perhaps shockingly, the child does not calm down), but he does trust him enough to get the information they both need; he busies himself instead with poking through the debris on the ground and underneath the cart for anything worthwhile.]
[he finds a little scrap of something shiny stuck in the bottom of one of the enormous soda cups (a pigeon tries to peck at it and he absentmindedly shoos it away); it's probably going to be important later, so let's keep it as vague as possible right now. conan pockets it just in time for the guy to pass out.]
"Panthera," huh. [he's already pulling one of the emergency park phones off a nearby pole and punching in digits for the cops; he'd use his cell phone, but a) he doesn't want to be linked to this if he can help it, and b) international calling is expensiiiive. the gift shop is going to be such a pain, considering how many people there are... and it's super easy for the buyer to purchase whatever's holding the drugs and walk away. shit!!] We need to hurry. He'll be nervous after he notices what happened here. [if he bolts, it might mean a whole new set of adventures, tracking him down across the city... how terrible would that be, right.]
[right. gift shop ho!!!]
no subject
being an infodump machine for a bunch of not-quite-authority figures isn't the way jigen wants to spend the rest of this day, let's be real.
so. this is him trying to be ~incognito and harmless~, which is him picking conan up by his cute little blue jacket and plopping him up on his shoulders (after muttering a quick "gimme a break" under his breath). ha ha, what a very innocuous father and his infant boy, just another kawaii family spending some quality bonding time at the zoo! ]
Yeah, let's get you on over to the gift shop before it closes.
[ even though the gift shop will be open for another, say, 5 hours at least. who the fuck cares, this is him trying to be a very normal civilian and hinting towards the people clearing his way not to follow them there, not that any of them will. they've had enough.
these long-ass legs are getting them to their destination really quickly, though, and conan is very quickly deposited back on the ground in front of a table stacked high with colorful plush frogs. ]
So, do those glasses have x-ray vision?
no subject
[but once back on the ground, he's all business, adjusting his glasses with a sigh.] Not yet. We're going to have to do this the long way. [and he immediately picks up one of the toys, inspects it for any tears, squeezes it, and tosses it over his shoulder to grab the next one. this is some pretty rude behavior, even from someone who looks like a six year old, but he doesn't seem to notice.]
no subject
jigen, on the other hand, looks dubiously at the pile of squishy animals and takes one of the tigers to inspect its fuzzy tummy. adorable. ]
There's gotta be a way to narrow this down. You think the goods are inside a panther?
[ "panthera", panther, it might even be that obvious. he scans the crowded shop for something that fits the description, and points to a row of special edition limited black panther dolls...
...that are roughly bigger than conan. ]
—Like, one of those.
no subject
N-no way, it wouldn't be something that stupid.
[let's be real, he's just mad that he wasn't the one who thought of it first. not mad enough not to follow up on it, which is why he drops the monkey (where it gently bounces off the pile to lay at the feet of that same little girl) and approaches the statue, but still a little mad.]
[he peers closer, laying a hand on this statue that's like, legit at his eye level, then makes a fist and knocks against it.]
It doesn't sound--
[a saleslady suddenly yells at him to get his hands off the statues, please!!!! sir your child is not!!! allowed!!!! to touch the expensive statues; conan jumps and pulls his hand back automatically.]
S-sorry!
no subject
for reference, jigen picks at the price tag looped around the one of the panthers' neck, and then promptly boggles at the printed number. ]
325 dollars. They're not even trying to be subtle.
[ who the fuck pays 300+ dollars for a panther statue at the central park zoo... ]
Looks like cracking these open isn't an option.
[ he mutters, as the saleslady snorts at them from a safe distance.
but!! a beat and a quick glance around their surroundings later reveals a guy in a hat who looks very annoyed at those two morons hovering around the statue area; he's doing that awkward shuffle that people do when they're deciding whether or not they want to go somewhere or talk to someone. ]
no subject
They have to have a connection in the management. [it's what they expected, but this confirms it; this is larger than just an individual cashier moving product through his day job.] Something this big needs to come from someone higher up.
[but that little awkward moment catches his attention out of the corner of his eye, and like the obnoxious little kid he is, he immediately goes trotting over with a big smile on his face. ha ha ha what a cute innocent kid, can't take your eye off him for a second.] Hey, mister!
no subject
the suspicious guy in the hat, though, doesn't look as enamored by conan talking to him as jigen does, which prompts that very cliche, very well-worn reaction of: ]
Huh? Sorry kid, I'm busy.
[ busy being shady as fuck ]